Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Honeymoon With Sue

Didya catch that Glee finale last week? Didya, didya, didya???

Of COURSE you did. True music lovers and gays agree: Glee resonates so deeply within our circle because it mirrors the modus operandi of our collective subconscious.

Do I pirouette around Brooklyn belting out each track that mirrors my current emotional temperature? Not exactly. But do I harbor persistent fantasies about doing so? Hells-to-the-FUCK-YEAH. You even might catch my lips moving on occasion.

Glee indulges us in the magnificent illusion that -- even in this day and age of magical, mystical record prefab record company concoctions (um...KE$HA), underdogs beholden of talent may actually prevail someday, over the rainbow, where unicorns fly. To the tune of a playlist that, on occasion, addresses my arcane demographic.

Besides, Sue Sylvester serves as the Simon Cowell of ID. Without Sue-induced moments of soul crushing clarity, the show's protagonists would spend episodes fumbling fruitlessly with their nether regions. I wish I had Sue hanging over my brain like Gazoo, reminding me of my weaknesses and foiables
at any given moment. Without full disclosure of how we suck, we're clueless about how to improve.

Need Drugs? Shoot Yourself!



Suffering from a yanked rotator cuff, this butch meth chef claims she was in so much pain, she had no choice but to shoot herself to get her hands on some pain meds.

Sounds like a JUNKIE to me (please note the meth face) but in a strange way, I kinda get this. I've been waiting for THREE DAYS for two separate doctors to call me back -- one with respect to scheduling a minor surgery and the other because I have tingling in my left hand. Neither doctor is on vacation. Granted, I'm not about to keel over from either issue, but when last I checked, tingling in the arm and hand indicates some sort of nerve issue and should be addressed immediately. And I quote from some miscellaneous online search:

"If the numbness is sudden and affects the hand and the arm, it could be a warning sign of an impending stroke. As a stroke can be life threatening, it is imperative to seek medical help right away if you experience this type of numbness."

Mind you, both of these doctors are responsible for my primary care. The "care" part is obviously a joke.

On me.

Anyone else have this happen to them? Bitch below, please!

No-Shit-Sherlock of the Week: Lesbians Make Great Moms
A new study in Pediatrics reveals the offspring of lesbians tend to rate "significantly higher in social, school/academic, and total competence and significantly lower in social problems, rule-breaking, aggressive, and externalizing problem behavior than their age-matched counterparts."

Must be all that estrogen-fueled, talking-it-out at the dinner table!

Stupidity Of The Week: The Gay Blood Prohibition

Friday, a Health and Human Services committee (whatever the fuck that is) voted to keep a ban in place since 1985 that prohibits blood donations from men who have sex with men.

The score? 9-6. Really?

Seriously, wait a sec...I have sex with men (well..a MAN). Dare the government presume that only heterosexuals beholden of penii are schooled enough to don a party lid every time they venture forth into vaginal territory? Last I checked about 50% of AIDS sufferers were women. So how is the elimination of perfectly healthy homosexual blood helping anyone during a blood shortage?

RIIIIGHT?

Melt You Like A Popsicle!


You're welcome.

Finally, here's a little treat I found on the streets of New York.

Name That Phallus!













List your guesses below!

That's it for now, Cuties. Peace the f*ck out!

xo
AHS

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