Thursday, May 21, 2009

Killer Queen

Why, Hallo Hags and Hag Magnets!

You could practically hear the collective moan as Kris Allen was dubbed winner of last night's American Idol finale.

Idol producers pulled out all the stops last night with tons of cameo appearances from Steve 
Martin to the Black Eyed Peas. My personal highlight was a tear-jerking duet between two incredibly gifted Hags, Allison Ireheta and Cyndi Lauper. That Baby Hag held her own and brought down the HAWSE! And during his Idol jam, Adam did his best maquillage, caged his shoulder pads and worked it out with mens who wear more makeup than he does, KISS!

The final performance of "We Are The Champions" with Queen was practically staged for Lambert's victory. Personally, my wet dream would've been to see Lambert come OUT and do "Killer Queen" balls to the fucking wall, right before donning his commemorative tiara and frenching the fuck out of Simon Cowell. 

Poor 'lil Krissy's sophomoric looks and chops were painfully displaced next to Brian May's signature frizz (how does it get higher with each year?) and raucous licks. Sure, he's cute in a mild-mannered high school track star kind of way. And even more endearing, his aw-shucks appeal is for reals, as he was the first to announce the win "should be Adam's." Demonstrating the humility claimed by his faith as practice, the good Christian boy made it hard to hate him for winning. 

But with each tongue-thrust, one felt Adam - whether intentionally or not - was screaming for his rights and for that reason, the entire gay and gay friendly community had a vested interest in his win. Today Lambert would be chosen by America as reigning Queen of the ultimate, televised prom, tomorrow gays would be allowed to marry in all 50 states and senseless bigotry against the gay community would cease. We would have found proverbial The Rainbow Connection. Sigh. That day was not yesterday. But with Lambert's monumental ascent, there's hope for tomorrow.

In the meantime, we have to sate ourselves with this lam-ay luscious throbbing Euro-dance track, sure to turn your disco balls blue!

Now onto lighter topics....

Biel's Schpiel

Ho Snap!

I jus' loves it when the paps snag a celeb sans face paint! It's kind of freaking me out that her hair, skin and eyes are all the same shade. 

According to DListed, Jessica told Allure that she's simply too HAWT to get good roles these days: Jessica said, "Yeah, it really is a problem. I have to be blunt. I'm in there with everybody else, fighting for the good parts. Yes, The Illusionist has made a difference -- but a huge, massive difference, so I can pick and choose what I want? No. I just want an opportunity. If you don't like the audition, don't hire me! But if you don't want to even see me -- that's hurtful. And why? You know nothing about me!"

Aw shucks, Jess. I've got a GREAT idea! We could trade! 

Ladies and Gentlemen, We Have An Oxy-Mormon!

How's that for a new term?

This week, Marie Osmond spoke to Entertainment Tonight in support of her lesbian daughter Jessica:

"I think it's sad when we have to separate something from society. Whether it's, 'Oh you're Jewish,' and then it was 'Oh you're a Mormon,' or 'Oh you're gay.' I love real people," she explains. "A lot of women out there have gay children. Who cares? I want love. I'm a Christian and Christ loved everybody."

AIDS Walk!

Granted my "mange foot" (thanks Mr. Pink!) was acting up so I didn't "go all the way," but I beat the curse three years running and actually made it out to walk the walk bitches! 

What's more, my team The Buttered Rolls raised a whopping $2,510.00! Here we are, minus photog Pink, at the fountain meeting spot. Now don't give me shit for my pasty pallor.  It still amazes me that I woke up 30 minutes before this picture was taken. And I managed to shower! Thanks SO MUCH to those of you who donated for your staunch show of support!

Hag About Brooklyn
I had the great fortune of meeting Mr. Out About Brooklyn at the Brooklyn Blogfest a few weeks ago, and lo and behold, we've formed an unholy alliance. Once a month right around the 1st, yours truly will appear on Out About Brooklyn to dish about our fair city's goings on and offer her sage advice about all matters inter- or extra- personal to all you gals and gays out there. Tune in! This is going to be GOOD!

Ta ta to your ta tas!



Mr. Pink said...

1) Adam is second place because the 1st place NEVER goes anywhere because they are weighed down with that damn recording contract from Simon himself... the IT for Idol Assholes is 2nd place. "Runner Up". It's not the last we've heard from Adam (unfortunately). And for the record... I'll be blunt here...(cover your eyes) any fag that isn't "out" in the public eye is a faggot. Period. Enough with this "ashamed to be gay because it might effect our ratings" bullshit.

2) Mange foot! LOL! I'm so glad that stuck.

3) Jessica's lips are DISGUSTING.

Momma Comma said...

Go PINK! Work it out!

Mommie Maria said...

1. Mr Pink is 100% right about the AI #2 spot... and for me, Daughtry rocks and I'm glad he didn't win either. Cowell would have suffocated him.

2. Why is that single not already on the radio? He's fantastic - had he went with that, in stead of the slightly over the top stuff on Idol he would have won, however, see #1.

3. Vivie my love - why so much hate for Kris? The high school scene is all over him already (see David Archulettas fame)

4. Back to Mr Pink - oddly I never thought about gay or not gay - I honestly didn't care - where did Adam come out, not come out, or even breech the subject? Until this moment I never wanted to know - not even sure why I'm curious...I am a straight woman and think he's hot (and wayyyyy too old to make that comment over a man who could be my *gulp* son) - I don't care who he prefers!

Mommie Maria said...

p.s. - Freddie Mercury is alive and well in Adam - how sad he held back to make kris look better -

Momma Comma said...

Never said I hated Kris - au contraire - I said that his genuine Mr. Nice Guy appeal made it difficult to hate him! Although not my cup o' chai, I think the dude is talented and actually fit the Idol single better than Lambert.

I was merely commenting on what Lambert's win might've meant to the gay community (Pink - Lambert IS out, there are tons of pix of him making out with boys all over the internet) as this blog covers gay issues and boy, as is evident in Sir Pink's comment, this was a hot one for the week!

Keep those comments coming! xo

Kitty said...

Adam would make a great replacement for Freddie. Paul Rogers? Ugh. They need a pretty young thing that can sing - like Adam.

Jessica Biel, it was a miracle you got the Illusionist. Thank your lucky stars.

I've always LOVED marie. Mrthinks she's a closet Hag.