Friday, February 27, 2009

Commie Homo-Loving Sons of Guns


Are you feeling Friday? It's here at last and so am I. In fact, I'm just one fireman's whistle and a glow stick away from a party.

Turn on and tune in, bitches...


Behold the Blushing Bride!

After denying engagement rumors for months, Gisele and Tom Brady tied the knot yesterday. And now the media can wait with baited breath for the fertilization of her golden egg.
But I have to ask did she manage to morph into Sarah Jessica Parker? 

Come to think of it, in this shot she's the Khloe Kardashian to Jennifer Aniston's Kim and Sarah Jessica Parker's Kourtney.

On this week's Keeping Up with the Crack Whores... jus' kiddin'...

Tudors Hottie Does Dunhill

April is awesome for many reasons, like rising thermostat readings and the birth of yours truly.
But it also marks the premiere of The Tudors, one of the best things about Showtime.

And while Jonathan Rhys Meyers wiles away the days in yet another rehab, Just Jared reports that hottie Henry Cavhill is making some extra do-ray-me by posing for Dunhill.

Your welcome.

This celebrity couple was on the verge of divorce. He is a guy. She is a B list television actress with A list name recognition who would probably kill her child to get into movies. Well, she almost did kill her child which is why she almost got divorced. Apparently the way it happened was that our actress was doing lines of coke off a glass table in the living room. The only people home were the maid and a child of the actress. A young child who had been watching mommy do lines. Well, the phone rang and mommy went to go get something out of a bedroom while she was on the phone. Five minutes later, the maid found the child imitating mommy at the glass table. Yeah. Apparently the child didn’t do it exactly right, because when the family doctor made a house call he couldn’t see any damage except for the white powder on the face. While the doctor was there and all this commotion, the husband walked in. He freaked out. Not only because of his child, but also because his wife had told him that she had stopped snorting months earlier. He left with the child after packing up a few things. The marriage was supposed to be over so don’t know what brought them back from the brink.

Any guesses?

TV for the TiVo Impaired

Oscar Round-Up
By far and large, justice was served at this years Oscars. And as we were all expecting, the ultimate speedbump occurred when Jen Aniston and Jack Black took the stage right in front of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. Talk about rubbernecking. Poor Jen stumbled over her words there, didn't she?  I hope she and John were so high, she couldn't feel her feet.  

Angelina just seems more smug with each award show. I'm awfully tempted to slap her on sight.

Everyone was talking about Sean Penn's equal rights acceptance speech, but it was the writer of Milk, Dustin Lance Black, who brought tears to my eyes. If you missed it, you HAVE to see this:

Top Chef Finale
UPSET! Hose-ayah wins? What?! Blasphemy! Granted, loyal readers will recall he was my original prediction to win, but in the end I was rooting for Carla, who foolishly decided to adopt former contestant Casey's techniques instead of trusting her own damn self.  

The Real Housewives of NYC
How about that pesky LuAnn, getting all pissy at the cancer benefit she was being honored at? I thought for sure she was going to grab that mic from the presenter and say, "It's COUNTESS LeSepps." Gross. I keep waiting for Ramona to come out of the bathroom with a visible coke ring around her nostril.

I know they are all deplorable, but I've decided that I kind of like Jill. After all, she's a yenta with her very own gay husband. And Kelly brings a level of glam the others can only aspire to.

Well, I'm outtie. Must try and enjoy some of this temperate weather before it all flushes down the toilet again. Good weekend!



Anonymous said...

What is this Henry Cavill and how may I purchase one?

Mr. Pink said...

that man is sexy.

Momma Comma said...

You guys HAVE to see The Tudors. He's amazing.

LoLo said...

He may be hot, but I'm awaiting the appearance of Rufus Sewell.

On an unrelated note, do you trust my prediction for Drag Race?

Anonymous said...

Indeed, Lolo, Rufus Sewell is a class by himself.

twunty mcslore said...

What's your prediction, LoLo? I've been recapping it for five weeks so far and still have no idea.
And Gis Bundchen-Brady looks like a really hot sex change.

LoLo said...

While I'm personally torn between the African queen and the tattooed love boy, my disco ball tells me it's going to be a "bouquet" of riches.

LoLo said...

damned disco ball - that's the last time I ask a mirror a question.

buy kamagra said...

I like to know something about celebreties sometimes, but always it's a waste of time haha
I read something a about her once, the thing said she was homosexual or something like that.