Thursday, January 22, 2009

Shake Your Rump

Greetings and Salivations!

It's officially the age of Aquarius and the air is charged with an undercurrent of humanitarianism. After eight long years of floating rudderless in a swamp of deep murky doo doo, you could practically hear a chorus of "ding dong, the witch is dead" ringing from the rafters as George W. Bully strapped on his chaps and rode off into the sunset yesterday.

And now, a word about bullies. Bullies aren't necessarily the biggest or toughest of people. They come in all shapes and sizes. The worst kind toy with your trust, and act like they are doing you a favor by using you as they shamelessly promote their own agenda. They take your candy and post it on eBay at a higher price. Everyone's got a bully in their immediate circle. But for eight long years, we've all been but pawns as little Georgie played out his father issues. See Daddy? I can blow things up too, Daddy!

Good riddance. Now we get to watch the hottest president in U.S. history get his fingernails dirty with grace and panache. This is a man I can learn from. It's nice to see evidence that the high road doesn't necessarily require a physician's signature.

But I digress. You've come here for a good time and thus I will cease the masturbatory preamble. Let's boogie!

Shake Your Rump (photo Getty Images)

I can guarantee this girl is the envy of all fags and hags...and then some.

Because our fearless leader is FINE!

And by the way, there was absolutely nothing amiss with Michelle Obama's inaugural outfit.
The only problem was the shoes. I don't know what brand of color wheel her experts possess, but someone should inform them that teal and canary yellow are not in the least complimentary. She needed a tasteful gold pump, not tired teal pumps that look like they came from the BOGO sale at Payless. But respect must be given where it is due. Michelle gets to tap that. And for that, she can do no wrong.

Steve Carrell is My Kind of Masshole
When he heard the Marshfield General Store was in trouble, he stepped in and bought the place to make sure it didn't disintegrate into, gawd fo' bid, a co-branded Dunkie's/BP Gas Station.
It just goes to show, you can wipe and wipe, but a true Masshole never comes clean.

A Gay Superhero!
No, I'm not referring to Bruce Villanch. Stan Lee, the 86 year old creator of Spider-Man, is shooting the one hour drama right here, right now in the US. Our president of color - now this. I'm proud to be an American again.

TV for the TiVo Impaired

The Golden Globes
My five most pressing questions of the evening, in no particular order:

1. What form of poultry danced across Drew Barrymore's head?
2. Did she slip Jessica Lange a tab of Ecstasy?
3. What relationship does Mickey Roarke have with his dogs, exactly? Is tongue involved?
4. When Jason Alexander said it wouldn't be so bad if Brad & Angie lost because they'd be going home with each the fuck did he know?
5. Has Demi Moore discovered how to cryogenically halt aging because the bitch looked fierce!

My fave moment by far is when Kate Winslet, winner of both Best Actress and Best Supporting Actress awards, referred to Angelina Jolie as, "the other one" when listing her competition.

Top Chef
I was shocked that challenge-champ Ariane was ousted for fucking up the very protein she's been victorious with in the past. Carla must make some pastry! My picks for top five are:


I predict it will come down to Jeff, Stefan and Jamie.

The new judge Toby annoys me because he tries too hard. It's a reality show dude, not a spelling bee. There's no need to wax poetic for five full minutes over a mascarpone foam. You just know Padma got a B12 shot to boost her lack of pulse last season. She's suddenly become so animated, she's inspired to move her top lip when she speaks.

Clooney to Scrub in at ER
Internet rumors are abound that Georgie Boy Clooney will grace County with his handsome face one final time before the swan song episode April 2. This I've got to see.

Speaking of must see, check out this impeccable Madonna and Lola parody, courtesy of my peeps at

Madonna and Child

That's it for now kiddies!

Love and rockets,

1 comment:

Mr. Pink said...

her voice is so similar to madge! lol