Thursday, October 16, 2008

The Magic of Madge, PR and Palin on SNL!

Ooooh - wheee! The rags are dripping with juice! Here comes your weekly shot:

Dare Fly into the Madonna Triangle?
The one she waxes to nubile smoothness? I know all you bitches are aflutter about the Madonna/Guy Ritchie divorce scandal. Why they bothered with such expensive, staged press ops of feigned unity for so long just bewilders me. Guess Liz Rosenberg has to earn her keep somehow.

Rumor has it her unwaivering devotion to Kabbalah didn't help, nor did the fact that Madge reportedly made many a cameo appearance at Alex Rodriguez's subletted lovenest in the Time Warner Center.

That's no duh, if you ask me. Madge's love for Latino boys is legendary -- from Jellybean Benitez to her premiere baby daddy, Carlos Leon. During the MSG stop of her Sticky & Sweet tour Saturday night, (where against all natural law, Dana and I found ourselves wedged three rows deep in Hags -- but I digress) she featured a whole subset of Spanish love songs, from the old cheesy La Isla Bonita to the new cheesy Spanish Lesson -- even ushering in her Gogol Bordello derivative session musicians to add cred to the whole fiasco. At one point, she even sat on her ass and watched while one of her dancers did this mock flamenco while the audience shrugged.

Now, don't you gays get all up in my frizz. I'll always find this woman a source of inspiration, and she puts out more during her weakest shows then most performers do at their best. But overall, this tour struck me as flaccid compared to Confessions, which had better, more consistent songs. Mr. Pink & Noah Fecks subscribe to the "every other Madonna tour is good" theory, and I'm starting to believe them. It was a blast, but there were minuses: Endless video imports of guest celebrities that smacked of a crutch to stay relevant, like the virtual Gene Kelley dance routine with Justin Timberlake during Four Seconds.

She insisted on slinging a guitar and playing the rock god once in a while, which actually worked well with her new arrangement of Borderline, but befuddled the audience during the disco driven, Hung Up. She receded behind it during Human Nature, where a video of Britney Spears stuck in an elevator took center stage, changing out the "I'm not your bitch" lyric to "It's Britney, Bitch." Cute. But worst of all was when she attempted distortion by fucking with her guitar strings shouting, "This is the sound of Sarah Palin's brain!" It was just embarrassing. We know you are going through it woman. We want to smack the specs off that bitch just as much as you do. But please, for the love of all things under the sun, leave the strumming to those who can and shake that ass!

Denis the Penis?
You all know I think Denis Leary is the best thing to come out of Worcester since barbed wire and candlepin bowling, but homeboy is going to find himself strung up, pissed on and force fed wheat and gluten-free foods by a hoard of angry parents.

Why? In his new book, Why We Suck: A Feel-Good Guide to Staying Fat, Lazy, and Stupid, he has the sack to write, "There is a huge boom in autism right now because inattentive mothers and competitive dads want an explanation for why their dumb-ass kids can't compete academically, so they throw money into the happy laps of shrinks…to get back diagnoses that help explain away the deficiencies of their junior morons. I don't give a s--- what these crackerjack whack jobs tell you—yer kid is not autistic. He's just stupid. Or lazy. Or both." Oh no, he didn't. Then again, he'd probably say better to be pissed off than pissed on.

TV for the TiVo Impaired

Project Runway Finale
Leanne won the finale with her wispy wave dresses in Tiffany blue and cream, but it should've gone to Korto. That woman made two fierce dresses in the time it probably took Leanne to sew a hem, and she should've won for that reason alone. Both have painfully sedated personalities and neither make for particularly compelling Saturn-shilling material, but at least Korto uses more than one color, more than one cut and shook that juicy butt for all it was worth. This has to be the first time I've staunchly disagreed with the judges.

The Presidential Debate
Was it the beer or did McCain's lisp-whistle amplify this week? Sufferin' succotash! Joe the Plumber is real...schwwwwwell!

Palin on SNL this weekend!
Many a Republican flacks wet dream just might come true! Set your DVR's and TiVo's kiddos. Reliable rumors have it Palin is taking on Fey this weekend, or at last her stomping ground. Holy shit. This just might be the smartest PR move in electoral history.

Video of the Week
Say that's so gay and risk the wrath of Wanda! Thanks to Noah Fecks!

Breeder Bonus
Don't miss my article about Superhero Worship in the November issue of Parents mag - on news stands now!

Alright bitches, back to work with you...and me.

Love through all elections and erections,


1 comment:

Mr. Pink said...

this big question is ...


that tour. was. amazing.