Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Sucky Oscars and Kimmel's Revenge

Hey Hey Hey,

What better way to warm the cockles of your sooty heart than to curl up with some meaty goss?

Let's start with Jimmy Kimmel's delish response to girlfriend Sarah Silverman's "Fucking Matt Damon" vid...Brad Pitt's in it! It recalls his former enigmatic self, before Angie sunk her fangs in and drained him of spinal fluid. It's WORTH watching, believe me!

Jimmy Eats Ben


Speaking of Brad...

The Jolie-Pitts Will Populate the Earth

They've got their very own Noah's Ark thing going on...

I want to know how this crafty bitch got away with masking the basketball she's swallowed for so long. The media's been speculating that Angie's been knocked up for a month or so, but check out the size of that bump! She's got to be about six months along at least. It's not like she ever carries enough weight on her bones to be able to pass the 9 week - 16 week period off as a horrific bout of PMS bloat.




Either way, it's nice to see Brad finally got himself some cushion for the pushin' ...even if it's temporary.

J.Lo Has Twins
That scrawny ghouish coke whore Marc Anthony sure has some serious sperm!

TV for the TiVo Impaired

The Oscars
Missed the Oscars? You missed nothing. Even the brilliant Jon Stewart couldn't rescue this painful snorefest. The endless barrage of montages -- no doubt the end product of a writer-free world -- gave viewers way too many bathroom breaks. The whole ceremony paled in comparison to watching Gary Busey maul Jennifer Garner on the red carpet.

My vote for best dressed?
Cameron Diaz (and I don't usually give it up to her)
Jennifer Garner
Heidi Klum..what was she doing there anyway?
Anne Hathaway

ANTM is back
Thirty of the longest-legged ANTM hopefuls were subject to prep school and forced to scream out loud at Tyra's painful posturing as Homecoming Queen. Lord.

I agreed with most of the finalists, especially my homegirl Jenna, who tricked out her Impala all the way to the top 5. Marvita from a previous cycle is fresh from therapy and undoubtedly concealing a jack knife in her thong. Fatima, one of Iman's distant cousins from Somalia, craftily exposed her painful circumcision for extra air time and, after calling one of the girls ghetto, dodge the wrath of Marvita.

My top choices thus far...
Jenna - told you why
Claire - drinks her own breastmilk. Yum!
Katarzyna - Ivy league import
Fatima - Iman II
Dominique - a man if ever there was one
Allison - 'cos she's out to get you!
Plus size Whitney

Pro-jhay Runway
Unless he finally fucks up, Christian will win. She deserves it. It's going to be a bloody showdown between he and mealy-mouthed anorexic Jillian.

Celebrity Sightings of the Week
I've got three - count 'em - three this week!

Literally almost ran right into Paul Giamatti in my PT's office this week. Gave him the idiotic smile of recognition before realizing who he was. Am getting the feeling I have karma with him, kind of like I used to with Lemmy from Motorhead - we were always in the same place at the same time.

Michelle Williams and her adorable daughter Mathilda were sitting just a few rows up from Dylan and I at the Dan Zanes show at BAM this Sunday morning. They both looked immaculate, with matching bobs. She looks exactly like her dad...it's haunting. Michelle was very careful to keep a low profile and seemed to dread anyone noticing them. Mathilda sat on Michelle's lap most of the time.

Dylan and I ventured to Starbucks on Smith yesterday when lo and behold, a VERY low key Kathryn Erbe (Eames from Law and Order Criminal Intent) walked in with a gal pal. Not a stitch of makeup, sporting Uggs that had seen better days. Just hanging out enjoying the last free weeks of the writer's strike, I guess.

St. Vivian - patron of HANGOVERS

Get on your knees bitches!

Loads of love until next time,

XX
MC

2 comments:

Mr. Pink said...

Patron Saint of hangovers? Now I know where to go when I need a Bloody Mary.

Angie is the thinnest, grossest, most disgusting woman alive. I have no idea why men fawn for her. How in the world does her stick body, stick legs and stick arms support that thing feeding off her in that uterus? It's disgusting.

That said, have a wonderful week AHS!

xox

Anonymous said...

In case you haven't heard..JLo named her twins and if you have pre-school kids you have heard the names before. Max & Emme, from Dragon Tales..boy she lacks imagination!