Monday, November 05, 2007

Regular Bitches Rule

Hello All,

As my moniker makes obvious, Momma Comma is a breeder hag through and through. With such a voracious appetite for goss, I'm constantly subjected to the Julia Roberts', Posh Beckhams' and Katie Holmes' of the world, turning my stomach with each perfect femmebot turn of their pretty little ankles. Even ladies I have a modicum of respect for, like the Jaime Presslys' (NEVER thought I would say that before Earl, trust!) and the Julianne Moores' make me sick for making motherhood look so goddamn glam and easy.

I say fuck them and their personal trainers and their Zone deliveries and their army of nannies for each of their frigging offspring. When push comes to shove, it's regular bitches like us, sisters who do it BY themselves, who make the world go 'round. And even though we might carry a few (well...) extra ounces occasionally and sacrifice elongating our legs with designer stilts in favor of pushing strollers in Dansko clogs, we are infinitely rewarded by the ability to put a smile on our kid's faces, and not just because we bought out Lee's Art Shop or FAO Schwartz during a photo op. So here's a cheer to us...salute!

Top Five Reasons Why Regular Bitches Rule

1. Minimal risk of squeezing postpartum chunk into spangled leotard to appear on Dancing With The Stars.


2. Time saved in pondering the significance of naming your offspring after an animal, vegetable, mineral or automobile.

3. Little need to come up with a creative excuse in declining moms weekend at the hottest colonic irrigation spa.


4. Free to wear second day sweats stained with strained peas to preschool drop off without fear of ridicule by Perez Hilton.


5. No worries about sudden spout of breast milk shooting co-star in eye during taping of torrid love scene.


Goss

Oprah's All Apologies
Oh oh Oprah. You finally did it. You fucked up. Granted, you did it indirectly, but you still did it. And now you have to go on TV and cry for those poor kids that you tried so hard to rescue from abject poverty and inadvertently tossed right into the eye of a shit storm. I'm sure most of those tears were of geniune remorse, but how many were for the bloodletting of your holier-than-all-you-thous image? Hmmmm? Those stains are hard to get out.

Britney's Still A Fuck Up
Stet.

TV for the TiVo Impaired


Sweeps is here! And there go the writers. Which means I'm going to have to leave my house for blog fodder in a few months.

Weeds

That U-Turn tattoo Nancy got on her ass was a nice touch. I like that she's hardened into a real deal thug now. And seeing her and Conrad fuck at last was quite rewarding. The bit with crucifix as grow light just killed me. Wonder what kind of hell the Celia/Heylia alliance will rain down on her stamped ass? Don't their names themselves reveal that they are both sides of the same coin?

ANTM
It was awesome to see my very own darling derm, Dr. Laurie Polis, featured on last week's episode during a segment about self image, saying she was a "body image expert" instead of the queen of celebrity botox, but whatevs. We love her anyway. Go Laurie! The segment featured top model winner Dani saying that people told her to lose all this weight to model for reals, so she calls Tyra, who tells her to respect herself, be healthy and lose the goddamn weight anyway. Irony at it's finest.

This little slice of heaven features the genius French and Saunders parody of ANTM. YES!




Ugly Betty
Is it me or is Betty actually losing a layer of padding? About time she and Henry got it on! Love Rico from Six Feet Under as her tormentor. Mark and his beary boyfriend are so cute. And thank GOD sad nephew is gay again. Can't wait to see how Vic Beckham works on this Thursday's episode.

Celebrity Sightings of the Week

BOCOCA: Land of the Procreating Indie Actress?


Thanks to all you local yokels who stepped up and reported your sightings from the streets!
My friend Steph and her sister-in-law were doing what we usually do each Halloween, dragging our kiddies down to the parade at Cobble Hill Park to see Dan Zanes lead his band of merry men, where she unknowingly stood next to indie flick chick Hope Davis from Next Stop Wonderland and American Splendor.

Meanwhile, my compadre Erin reports sightings of a knocked up Lili Taylor cruising Warren Street numerous times. Welcome to the hood Lili! Loved you in Mystic Pizza (ha!).


Sightings In The Cit-ay

Brad and I ran into our always hilarious friend Michael yesterday, who saw a very shiny, buffed and coiffed Hank Azaria with requisite hag near 17th Street. He also describes having seen a tres butch Janeane Garafolo "shaking as if she drank too many Shastas." Genius.


That's it for now sexy people.

Until sometime next week...your faithful
MCx

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

You forgot donning your favorite baseball cap (ie:Red Sox) with said stained clothes to hide the fact that not only are your clothes dirty but that washing and drying your hair has be come a thing of the past. (for now)

Mr. Pink said...

I'm always on the look out at Frankie's for ya Viv. Tonight I'm off to see Sarah Silverman at Carnegie. I'll report back on Friday.

PS: Boob milk squirting is ALWAYS hilarious.

xoxo

Anonymous said...

Yeah funny how the media is treading lightly on oprahs fiasco If i ruled the world i would get all ghetto -kathy-lee-gifford-sweatshop on her ass!I think of her as the human embodiment of Wal-Mart!

Hank Azaria- so gay he thinks margret cho is funny !

XOX

much love
Gossip Gay
(Alex)

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