Saturday, October 27, 2007

Tim Gunn is a Pussy

Hey Kids,

To say it's been tumultuous around here is a gross understatement. After a brief reprieve of reveling in the joys of our beautiful new baby bubbie, I was waylaid with the excruciating pain of BACK SURGERY (no I'm not even kidding). But your nonplussed Momma Comma has finally crawled back to the computer, back brace and all, with the aid of none other than Big Daddy Comma for this special edition of A Hag Supreme.

We've not had much else to do but watch TV anyway.

Let's dig in with a family style
dissertation on fashion's finest fascist.

Tim Gunn is a Pussy

Gunn recently crawled out of the catbox to capitalize on his newfound iconic status with a new show, Tim Gunn's Guide to Style, that's as limp as his wrist -- and you know we say that with love. He's joined by sometime supermodel of yore, Veronica Webb. Each week, they put on their Superbitch capes and attempt to makeover new costumely-challenged victims with an approach that is part cat scratch fever, part benevolent guru.

It's called What Not to Wear. But it's not.

In expressing his distaste for these poor, couture-less women, who dare don Nine West in lieu of Nina Ricci, Tim coughs up critiques as if he's expelling a furball, his back curling up after suffering each faux-pas as if it's an insult to his uniform stiff, pinstripe. Their hapless victims are often driven to a remote closet in tears, after being forced to expose the contents of their "drawers," in the literal sense, to all of the nation.

Gunn and Webb then treat them to a litany of formulaic famous stylist makeovers, attempting to forge an inroad to good taste.

At the end, Gunn mewls out praise for his remake-remodels with relish, as the poor victim is forced to model their new goods for a small army of friends and relatives just thrilled to be in the shadow of the camera. But the show is such a victim to this rigid formula, there is no fun, there is no flow. Just "making it work." See it on a rainy Saturday, when nothing else is on, but don't waste DVR space on this one.

My Predictions for Cycle 7 America's Next Top Model's Top Five
Heather - For the win. The dead giveaway is the her status as the week after week Cover Girl viewers fave.
Chantal - They have to have at least one blonde in finals.
Lisa - I think it's going to come down to her and Heather. Turlington-lite STUNNING.
Bianca - Feline and fine.
Jenah - In person, she looks like something that stares at you from inside an aquarium, but her pix are nice.
Wild Card - Ambreal - She gets way too much airtime, including last night's mercy pass, not to at least come close to winning.

Denial By Fire
Guess what J.Lo and Xtina?

Denying the public an official announcement of your pregnancy is total bullshit hypocrisy of the highest order.

In mere months, you are just going to turn around and sell the premier images of your golden goose to People, OK or the highest bidder anyway.

So give it up and let the public be happy for you, because, deep down, you know it's good for business to make your fetus their business.

Celebrity Sighting of the Week
Ted Allen, of Queer Eye and Top Chef fame, perusing the aisles of Fairway in Red Hook yesterday. My fellow celeb stalker Dana tried to see just what a culinary king of this caliber stocks his own fridge with, but it was the beginning of his trip and thus the basket was bare.

Celebrity We Won't Be Seeing Much Longer
After splitting with Heath, Page Six says Michelle Williams is ditching the hood. Surprize, surprize.

Gossip? Got Some?
I really haven't left the house much in the course of the past two months, so all you celeb spies out there need to come forward with scoop. For example, my bro-in-law Michael revealed that Tyra Banks is a pinhead in person.

Sending loads of love kids.

Until I manage to pick up the pace...


1 comment:

Mr. Pink said...

we've missed you! great column this week love. feel better!!