Friday, November 03, 2006

Fauxent, fucks and flux


S'up Guys & Gals?

Sorry I've been out of commish for a while...those pesky paying gigs get in the way of fun sometimes!

To say there's been a lot of insanity going on in the gossip world as of late is a gross understatement. So let's roll up our sleeves and dig into the dish:

Madonna's Got A Brand New Bag/Kid
Her Detroit/Ireland/Anglo fauxent during her media blitz drove me absolutely bonkers. I believe the woman might actually have good intentions underneath all that self-imposed entitlement, but she needs to SHUT UP. I feel bad for the dad though...

Reese & Ryan No Mo'

SO sad...I thought these two had what it took to keep it going. Guess "it" doesn't involve secret rendezvous on location with co-stars RYAN, you jackass you.


Nicole R
ichie Seeks Treatment for Being Underweight
But she doesn't have an eating disorder...surely it can't be. Un uh. According to PR folks, there is a big difference between an eating disorder and a non-eating disorder. It's only a matter of time, so let's clog her IV with cheeseburgers and get this shit over with.

And now for TV:

Rachael Ray vs. Martha Stewart

Both duked it out for the blue hair/gay vote as they simultaneously aired Barry Manilow episodes at 10am today. May the best bitch win!

ANTM
If CariDee doesn't beat the hell out of Melrose in spite of her stupid name, I'll be SO pissed. She's amazing.

Top Chef
Was sorry to see my old freelance-mate Sujai (never got the spelling right!) go. But that kid with the heatmeiser hair really needs a slap and I'm glad Blonde Betty was on the case. Now if we could only get the new hostess, Salman Rushdie's bitch, to move any part of her face when she talks...

ER
Those dream scenes between Parminder Negra and John Stamos were H-OT. Thanks John, for giving the show a pulse again!

Weeds
OMG this can't come back on the air soon enough. Aside from the major performances from Mary Louise Parker, the woman who plays Halia and the guy who plays her brother in law, there are a million reasons to get hooked on this bad boy. First my people get a shout out (even if it is our mafia!), then Kevin Nealon and Elizabeth Perkins carry on their illicit affair, now the season's cliffhanger is a clusterfuck of mammoth proportions and we have to wait until sometime 2007! Wah!

Non-sequitor: Don't you think Jennifer Aniston and John Stamos would make the hottest Greek babies ever? Between their lives in show-biz, bad marriages to blondes and all around good looks, they have so much in common...they really should hook it up.

Embarrassing Moment of the Week
I'm strolling down Court Street with Dylan toward home yesterday. Being a friendly type, I often say hi to parents and people I've met once if they strike me as familiar. So I look up and lock eyes with familiar person standing in the doorway of my local photo development store. So I look up and say hi to the guy.

Then it strikes me why he looks so familiar...those piercing brown eyes....that slightly receding hairline...that casually affable demeanor....it's none other than Heath Ledger. Can I get a DUH?!

Ted Casablanca - I've had ENOUGH

TOOTHY TILE HAS TO BE JAKE GYLLENHAL
Hope to be running into him as his sis is moving to Park Slope...boo yah! All my gays are planning excursions to Excelsior as we speak...

Quote of the Week:
"Like Madonna's kid is going to want to go back to where he came from. What's he going to do he goes back? Kick a rock back and forth?"

-the illustrious Jennifer Burkart commenting on Madonna's promise that David Banda will be able to return to Malawi after he's of age.

Ta ta till next time!

xx
MC

1 comment:

toby said...

looks like nicole was spotted out of her "eating disorder" jail..

http://www.tmz.com/2006/11/03/whos-that-with-paris/

At Hyde no less!