Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Dim Bulbs, Fake Africans and Yo Momma

Okay peeps, I haven't had enough coffee to effectively formulate a rant and there's a lot of great gossip and goings on to discuss, so let's get to it do it.


Denise Richards & Richie Sambora DOES this guy get more leathery than a Balenciaga bag and still manage to bag younger and hotter blondes everytime he turns around? He must be packin' ammunition down below something serious, because his appeal cannot be seen with clothes on. Not that she's the brightest bulb in the bunch, but I digress...

Angelina and her Namibian Accessories
See her posing with Ann Curry and the 'natives'? PLEASE. Giving the baby a Namibian name? What ROLF? I outed Angie last week when we found out that Namibia is largely populated with wealthy Europeans, and she's not racing gazelles through the African wild with Maddox on her shoulders, but taking him to the very suburban petting zoo and lounging poolside at a five star resort. I really wish they'd put an end to this 'tribal baby' farce before I vomit.

MY ASS! Note how they lost the Cambodian kid for the Afrocentric shoot!

No matter how good she looks or much do-gooder dirt she kicks up to cloud the issue, doesn't change the fact that her belly is still swollen with the seed of ill gotten goods.


Had to tell you about two new shows that are well worth a nanosecond of your precious time, for very different reasons:

The Chelsea Handler Show - E! (I think)
Pretty funny stuff. Sort of a Modern Girl's Guide to Dave Chappelle. I was rolling at her rendition of Long Beach - the REAL OC. Worth your time for at least one episode.

Yo Momma - MTV
You can't help but laugh your ass off as Wilmer Valderama tries desperately to convince us he's from Compton, peppering 'ill' through his speech as he tries to blend in with guests that actually are from Compton. The premise is to have sort of a riff off, where contenders shoot insults at each other, i.e., "Yo Momma's so fat, she rents out her shade." As hard as you are laughing AT this show, you might actually end up laughing WITH it sometimes, because some of the contenders are actually funny.

The Virtues of ANTM
So it's Wednesday, and I'm waiting with baited breath until America's Next Top Model comes on at 8. My personal highbrow/lowbrow index falls into one straight line and thus, most of my peeps understand my fascination with ANTM, but for those of you who don't, I hearby make my case:

1. Most of the contestants would sooner claw each other's eyes out than eat a cheeseburger. And that's always good TV.
2. Ms. Jay has better legs than anyone I know. And she works her inventive drag couture better than any of those bitches, including Tyra.
3. Tyra's Oprah wannabe act actually falls into the background most of the time. If you can get past her "you must return to the house, pack your belongings and go home" speech, the judging banter is brutally accurate and loads of fun.
4. Don't know about you, but I'm waiting at the edge of my seat for the botox to spring a leak out of Mr. Jay's face.
5. This cycle's Jade is last cycle's Lisa, and the previous cycle's Brittany. There's always a lippy blonde named Sarah and a bald black woman. It's blatantly obvious that it's formula, But it's formula that works.

and finally...
6. The show is run by gay men. And gay men rule the world.

My vote for ANTM? JOANIE. She got her snaggletooth removed for chrissake, and reality shows love it when people maim themselves for the camera without complaint. Besides, she takes better pictures with more personality than any of the other models.

Nnenna is an asshole. Danielle and Furonda are both amazing and take great pictures, so it might be close. Jade is an asshole too but she is on a roll. But she will find someway to self destruct within the next few episodes, guaranteed. It's in accordance with the ANTM formula guide. Love it!

SHOUT OUT: My amazing friend Toby who I LOVE LOVE LOVE has this amazing podcast and site called Live from the WB and you have to check it 'cos it's HI-LARIOUS. Here's the link:

That's it for now peeps!
Have a great one!

1 comment:

toby said...

nice OK! cover.