Monday, September 20, 2010

Gays For GaGa - A TRUE Hag Supreme!

Shello Bitches!

We just can't deny our devotion to the High Priestess of Posterity, Our Lady of the Gays (yes, me) but also, Miz Lady GaGa. Today, the Huff-Po-Po reports she's taking her tanned, taut tushie all the way up to Maine to rally and repeal "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" in the trenches with the military 'mos and Maine's potters and plaid-clad bears.

I'm EXTREMELY fortunate in that this week, one of my leading mens, my darling Deacon, has volunteered to share his five bucks (bitch ain't cheap) on the subject. He's a fucking genius, so you're best served by committing to the whole damn thing.

Read on for a big fat WERD UP:

I’m not at all opposed to a star being controversial through their art, in fact, without the help of people like Madonna, Kylie, Christina Aguilera and Lady Gaga, our voice as a community would go unheard, but looking at it from the other direction, these pop divas would be nothing (really) without us fags.

We flock to Gaga, Madge, and anybody else who pushes the envelope with their art as a big fuck you to the people who oppose our lifestyle ‘choices’ which (and this is based on my personal experience) are generally based on ignorance, but the fundamental problem for us gays, is that we are veritable magpies (ed note: He also means 'hagpies.'). We become hypnotized with the glitz & glamour that our fabulous divas bring in the hopes of then becoming the ultimate hag, whilst being down for our cause.

The fly/fruit fly or Fag/hag relationship is very special and symbiotic – both publically and privately – we know that we can’t exist without them, or them without us. But let’s take a look at a group out there who have not been bestowed with gay. The group I’m talking about are the women who are (gasp) sans a good homo in their life, and who need us the most.

Sarah Palin, for example, is in SERIOUS need of some hot gay man love. It became painfully clear when she was running for vice president. Her publicity group clearly forewent hiring a queen to help with Palin’s makeover and (to this day I still have no idea why) was only about throwing money at the problem, rather than have a gay boyfriend spend time with her to sort it all out (remember the $150,000 Neiman Marcus fiasco).

Clearly this child has been sans gay since birth. I bet her hairdresser is also a sans-fag woman with high aspirations of hagitory (and DO NOT tell me that Alaska is fag-free. Check THIS out: http://www.city-data.com/forum/alaska/35552-gay-life-alaska-2.html).

Perhaps there wasn’t enough time to rectify the problem at its core. Clearly, Palin was trying to act ‘butch’ (I still have images of Palin’s interview at a Turkey processing plant, where they were snapping the necks of turkeys as Sarah was banging on about being a maverick), with out the chops. This is where a 'mo could enlighten Sarah on the ups and downs of being butch-whilst-fem and fem-whilst-butch - you don’t see Hillary with the same set of issues as she’s down with the triangle tribe.

Personally, I believe that one of the many reasons women have become so empowered and outspoken against the [straight] male culture is due largely in part to their friendships with us 'mo’s. In fact, I’d go as far to say that women who are sans a gay boyfriend in their lives are far more prone to make terrible decisions, which range from bad hair/clothing choices and poor boyfriend/husband selection to improper and incorrect vocabulary use. The REALLY sad thing is that they have become completely oblivious to the fact the their plight to become liberated is the very same plight the LGBT community is in right now.

It’s not all one sided, of course – it’s because of our relationship we have with our hags that we’ve been able to learn how to deal with the [straight] male-driven culture, but we can play both sides because of our sexual ‘duality’.

But I digress....

As somebody who has worked very closely with the US Army, its not an issue for most boots-on-the-ground if they are fighting side-by-side with a gun-toting homo – in fact, one soldier I had a conversation with said to me “This is my job – my office. I make deals at my office, some deals save lives, some don’t, but I’m still doing my job. I have colleagues who are women; I have colleagues who are men. I know some are straight, and I know some are gay, but they are still my colleagues, and at the end of the day, this is still the job we signed up for, and I trust them with my life as much as they trust me with theirs”.

It’s the responsibility of all fags and hags to get the message of equality out there effectively and efficiently. We learn from the strong women we adore, and they draw strength from the ones they adore. Most importantly, however, is the challenge of getting our message our by seeking alternate channels other than the one’s we’ve become comfortable with.
Bravo for the Gaga’s and Madonna’s who have helped get us this far, but, for the love of God, will someone PLEASE get Palin a 'mo!

Now I implore...have you ever read such a fantastical display of TRUTH?!?!

Make Your Balls Sparkling And New!


Now if you'd like to shave said balls or simply keep your day job, My Dear Deacon says to check out Nancy Boy shaving products and skin care, because they WERQUE, 'mmmmmmkay? And if you like your dog downward, do visit his brills Ayurvedic advice page, Daily Veda.

MUAH!

xxx

A Hag Supreme

Monday, August 30, 2010

The GEMMY's!

Last night's GEMMY awards were like a glittering disco ball beaming it's light of love all over Hollywood!

GEMMY? That's right. The Gay -Emmys. Between Modern Family's Erik Stonestreet's win for a gay character, Glee's Ryan Murphy best director and Jane Lynch's best supporting actress nod, not to mention the almighty NPH's (Neil Patrick Harris) win for his Glee cameo, and a triumphant win by Breaking Bad's Aaron Paul, the wins seemed all GLBT, all the time! Take THAT Prop 8 hater assholes, because the GLBT community in H'Wood can and will buy and sell you twice!

Breeder host Jimmy Fallon did a nice job of hosting, but I felt a yawn creep in when he started reading fan Tweets on the air. Sure, it's savvy to integrate social media with live TV but not THE EMMYS. Shit, award shows like this provide TV with a rare opportunity to preserve the old school glamour from the days of yore, when celebrities weren't accessible 24/7 via the sinkhole of social media. Leave the cheap Tweets off the podium!













Modern Family's adorable Jesse Tyler Ferguson is KILLING me in this shot. You can just read the bubble over his head saying, "Snap! Quick! Before Pacino method-bitch slaps me!"

Potential Scandal?
Last week, I was incredibly moved by a letter posted on the internet from a mom about her gay son, who was ousted from the Armed Forces after completing two tours in Afghanistan because of Don't Ask Don't Tell. I even posted about it on momlogic. Then my DARLING Sir Pink mentions he knew this family growing up and this same mom always gave him the evil-eye because he was out 'n proud. Hrmph. I'd like to think people can rise above innate bigotry, and it was a beautiful letter. Jus' planting some food for thought...

Sassy Gay Friend Does Romeo & Juliet!



I know, I'm slow on the uptake but my HAGlicious pal Gina shared this on Facebook recently and it was too damn good.

Hag Of The Month
Miss New York Claire Buffie -- the anti-Prejean! Inspired by her sister, who so happens to be a lesbian, she's using her platform (and one of my FAVES), PFLAG's "Straight for Equality: Let's Talk," to bring awareness to gay rights. "I feel like gay rights are the civil rights of my generation," she said. PFLAG are my PEOPLE, right there. Werque! Check her articulate, intelligent interview on MSNBC! Love! Her!


My friend Alex put this up and I couldn't resist tossing it in for good measure....









x's and o's galore!
YOUR Hag Supreme

Thursday, July 08, 2010

Gay, Gayer, Gayest!

Gay
Couldn't resist sharing this Reuters HEADline about the Prefontaine Classic Diamond League race, brought to my attention by my pal Tom:


Can you say GEEN-yus? What I'd give to have been the reporter to slide that honey through all ripe for the clickin'.

Gayer

Perez Hilton reports the world's about to get a whole lot Weir-dur. Johnny Weir is taking next year off to "reinvent himself" with a single called "Dirty Love," a fashion line "Be Unique," and a "quarter century memoir to be published with Gallery Books.

DAYUM! Bitch be BIZZY 'n shit! Better set aside a sec or two to keep those toenails in check, Sweets!

Gayest!

Watching Top Chef this season? Contestant Arnold Myint brought so much gay to the table, his kafte balls were dipped in rainbow sprinkles. See for yourselves!




My ULTIMATE idol, the brilliant Miz Jennifer Saunders, just revealed to the BBC that she's been recovering from breast cancer. Get well, Sweetie Darling!

That's it for now my BEEYOTCHES. Bask in summer!

xox
AHS

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Honeymoon With Sue

Didya catch that Glee finale last week? Didya, didya, didya???

Of COURSE you did. True music lovers and gays agree: Glee resonates so deeply within our circle because it mirrors the modus operandi of our collective subconscious.

Do I pirouette around Brooklyn belting out each track that mirrors my current emotional temperature? Not exactly. But do I harbor persistent fantasies about doing so? Hells-to-the-FUCK-YEAH. You even might catch my lips moving on occasion.

Glee indulges us in the magnificent illusion that -- even in this day and age of magical, mystical record prefab record company concoctions (um...KE$HA), underdogs beholden of talent may actually prevail someday, over the rainbow, where unicorns fly. To the tune of a playlist that, on occasion, addresses my arcane demographic.

Besides, Sue Sylvester serves as the Simon Cowell of ID. Without Sue-induced moments of soul crushing clarity, the show's protagonists would spend episodes fumbling fruitlessly with their nether regions. I wish I had Sue hanging over my brain like Gazoo, reminding me of my weaknesses and foiables
at any given moment. Without full disclosure of how we suck, we're clueless about how to improve.

Need Drugs? Shoot Yourself!



Suffering from a yanked rotator cuff, this butch meth chef claims she was in so much pain, she had no choice but to shoot herself to get her hands on some pain meds.

Sounds like a JUNKIE to me (please note the meth face) but in a strange way, I kinda get this. I've been waiting for THREE DAYS for two separate doctors to call me back -- one with respect to scheduling a minor surgery and the other because I have tingling in my left hand. Neither doctor is on vacation. Granted, I'm not about to keel over from either issue, but when last I checked, tingling in the arm and hand indicates some sort of nerve issue and should be addressed immediately. And I quote from some miscellaneous online search:

"If the numbness is sudden and affects the hand and the arm, it could be a warning sign of an impending stroke. As a stroke can be life threatening, it is imperative to seek medical help right away if you experience this type of numbness."

Mind you, both of these doctors are responsible for my primary care. The "care" part is obviously a joke.

On me.

Anyone else have this happen to them? Bitch below, please!

No-Shit-Sherlock of the Week: Lesbians Make Great Moms
A new study in Pediatrics reveals the offspring of lesbians tend to rate "significantly higher in social, school/academic, and total competence and significantly lower in social problems, rule-breaking, aggressive, and externalizing problem behavior than their age-matched counterparts."

Must be all that estrogen-fueled, talking-it-out at the dinner table!

Stupidity Of The Week: The Gay Blood Prohibition

Friday, a Health and Human Services committee (whatever the fuck that is) voted to keep a ban in place since 1985 that prohibits blood donations from men who have sex with men.

The score? 9-6. Really?

Seriously, wait a sec...I have sex with men (well..a MAN). Dare the government presume that only heterosexuals beholden of penii are schooled enough to don a party lid every time they venture forth into vaginal territory? Last I checked about 50% of AIDS sufferers were women. So how is the elimination of perfectly healthy homosexual blood helping anyone during a blood shortage?

RIIIIGHT?

Melt You Like A Popsicle!


You're welcome.

Finally, here's a little treat I found on the streets of New York.

Name That Phallus!













List your guesses below!

That's it for now, Cuties. Peace the f*ck out!

xo
AHS

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

A Marque-Free Glee?

Howdy Gals & Gays!

So sorry I've been MIA. I'm not going to sit here and apologize for my atrocities because that would just add to the aura of gaucheness I've already committed, but let's just say I've been one well distributed mother-mother.

Enough of this ca-ca! Let's get down to the nitty grit, shall we?

RU CROWNS A NEW QUEEN










The finale of RuPaul's Drag Race was last night and although I'm devoutly Team JuJu and a staunch admirer of Miz Raven, I can totally see why she chose "The Other Tyra" Sanchez as America's Next Drag Superstar. Even though her 'tude needed a 'lil fine-tuning, her look was flawless and she consistently turned it out.

Congrats Miz Tyra!

A MARQUE-FREE GLEE?
Just read on The Advocate.com that "Ugly Betty" alum and inspirational little lovebug Mark Indelicato (Justin) can't participate in Fox's open call for Glee because he's only 15!

Um -- What's wrong with these people? Marquee Mark and Glee would go together like Sue Sylvester and Madge's 90's tittays!

First off, that little man should be having himself an agent that can pound the door between he and Glee right down. For seconds, they'd be stoo-pid to look that little gift show pony right in the uvula. Let him werque his magic all the way to Nationals! And into little Kurt's heart perhaps? Or at least into his 2xist boxer briefs?

For all you Gleeks out there, take a solid moment to check out my pal Brett Berk's Vanity Fair.com interview with cutie Chris Colfer!

GAY WORLD SERIES STRIKES OUT
FOX reports that three bisexual men filed a lawsuit to the tune of $75k each against the North American Gay Amateur Athletic Alliance (NAGAAA) claiming they were discriminated against for not being gay enough to participate in the organization's Gay Softball World Series!

They claim their softball team, D2, was "disqualified from participating in the softball championship because the alliance ruled they were 'nongay.'" During a hearing on the matter back in 2008, the 'nongays' say they were asked a series of "personal and intrusive questions" about their "sexual orientations and desires." They allege they were told, "This is the Gay World Series, not the Bisexual World Series."

Guess it's not okay to play for the other team when your bat that swings both ways!

MEET KEVIN KELLER!










And ain't he a hottie? Just have yourself a gander at those glaring baby aquas and those impeccable fingerwaves!

The first openly gay comic book character will his debut in no. 202 of Veronica Comics. In "Isn't It Bromantic," Kevvie prefers Jughead's palate over Veronica's wiles.

How long until we get to admire his 2D pecs?

MAKE ME MOAN


Don't miss this HIGH-larious take on High Priestess GaGa and Honey Bee's latest smash, Telephone!

PFLAG GALA HOLLA
Just when you thought I couldn't get any gayer, my hubs scored us tix to the PFLAG Straight For Equality gala this Saturday night, where the guest of honor is none other than the Holiest Hag Of All Hags, L.I.Z.A. That's right. He's blowing the dust off the tux and I'll be clad in...something with heels. It'll be Ha-gala Heaven, fo' sho!

Stay tuned for my report!

xx
A. H. S

Friday, March 05, 2010

Hypocrite Hyperbole

Hey, HAY, Hey!

Hypocrite Hyperbole









I just love it when gay rights opponents stroll right into a pile of steaming doo-doo while the world snaps footage.

The HuffPo-Po reports Republican State Senator Roy Ashburn (CA), a long-time staunch opponent of gay rights, got himself a fierce lil' DUI this week on his way home from THE DISCO, y'all. With a boy in tow and everything!

Here's his lame apology:

"I am deeply sorry for my actions and offer no excuse for my poor judgment. I accept complete responsibility for my conduct and am prepared to accept the consequences for what I did. I am also truly sorry for the impact this incident will have on those who support and trust me - my family, my constituents, my friends, and my colleagues in the Senate."

Um, Dude? You should apologize to your co-passenger for your flagrant display of idiocy. Watch your back during Pride week, Son, or you might find yourself wearing a rainbow flag in a way you never thought was physically possible.

Love Wins In D.C.!








photo: Christian Science Monitor, believe it or not.

Ah, the sweet smell of PROGRESS.

And the only time you'll see me smile when I do time on the elliptical at the gym. I looked up to see headlines on Wednesday reading that D.C. began issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples. And Minnesota seems interested in joining the bandwagon.

*Throwing virtual confetti* 'Bout fucking time!

"Some Might Think We're Even Cuban"


I don't care how busy you are -- you HAVE to click on this fucking HIGH-larious spoof of Inglorious Basterds, courtesy of Snooki & Co.

Whee! More Gays on Glee!











Photo found on PalZoo.com

Set your DVR's Bitches!

The high priest of penis, Neil Patrick Harris is going to further pretty-up Glee during May sweeps. YAY! According to a source on Perez Hilton: "NPH will play Bryan Adam, 'a high school glee club nemesis of Will’s (Matthew Morrison) who resurfaces as a board member at William McKinley.' The source says the there are some cool flashback scenes of the boys back in there heyday with 'Bryan picking up girls and getting all the cool solos while Will sits off in the sidelines.' "

LOVE! And what's more, Perez wrote John Barrowman is trying to get his sweet spray-orange ass on Glee as well. Double LOVE!

Wonderbear Powers ACTIVATE!


Fart On Tits sho' wasn't lying when he said this was the gayest vid EVER.

And on that note...that's it for now, Cuties! Twinkle out!

xx
A.H.S

Tuesday, February 02, 2010

Ripped/Torn

Heidi, Hos!

Time for some deelish, nutrish goss for your Groundhog Day:

*ALERT* *ALERT* *GAYBOY* *GAYBOY*


I'm sure you GaGa lovers have all dissected the Grammies by now, but one things left unsaid -- the Jo Bro on the far right is gay from space. In case you so happened to drown this out with a martini shaker, behold and claim him for your own, Bitches.

Ripped/Torn












This pickled queen has no doubt seen better days!

Rip Torn was arrested Friday night for busting into a CT bank because he "thought it was his house." According to TMZ, stadies responded to an alarm at the Litchfield Bancorp building and found Torn wasted off his heinie with a loaded gun! They believe he B&E'ed to get in. He's now charged with carrying a gun without a permit, carrying a gun while fully loaded, first-degree burglary, first degree criminal trespass and third-degree criminal mischief.

Wait a sec...you can actually charge someone with criminal mischief? Why the fuck is that lil' Taylor Swift still corroding the streets? That rendition of Rhiannon on the Grammies is grounds for lock up. You'd think a Lautner lovin' HAG would know better than dare defame our sweet Stevie.

iMad @ iPad













Cock-a-doodle-DOUCHE, this thing looks cool.

All I want to know is how many of you gays are going to make me feel like an asshole for not clutching this hot little number on the subway?

Many thanks to Mr. Pink for this apt depiction of today's most absorbent source of feminine protection.

The rOsie & Oprah Show












Sounds like a drag king extravaganza at the Duplex, don't it?

O'Donnell spilled her guts on The Big O Show last week. I just love that woman. She's a loving mom, gets hot, quality poon, and has the balls to get up in Baba Wawa's grill and wave a finger when she thinks she's being hosed.

Her HBO doc, "A Family Is A Family Is A Family" is an adorable montage focused on love underscored with a strong message of equality. Tune in, WERD up.

Weed Makes You Gay


Holy DISTURBIA, Batman. This flagrant display of idiocy, with respect to homosexuality and weed, was actually aired in Canada. Ugh.

Another hearty contribution, courtesy of Sir Pink.

Change That Channel And I'll Cut A Bitch


A Florida woman stabbed her boyfriend when he decided to change the channel during American Idol!

Watch and try not to laugh. I dare you.

Okay, okay....I DVR'ed the premiere of RuPaul's Drag Race but haven't had a chance to see it yet. Tune into the next HAG for the breakdown, k?

Until then...LOVE!
xx
AHS